Stories

I am an RN and on October 1, 2010, I was confronted at work for diverting narcotics, I was busted, the productive life I thought I was leading was over, what a relief.  When I got home I was devastated, I thought everything I had worked so hard for in life was now over, the next day I called the nursing peer assistance program for impaired nurses in TN, they recommended Cumberland Heights, and so my journey begins, my life changing experience that has helped me become the person I am today, my true self. Soon into my recovery journey, my counselors helped me realize that addiction was not the only problem I had to deal with, I was an enabler, a co dependent that spent most of my life trying to make everyone happy but myself.  Of course I thought they were crazy at first, I thought  I’m here to beat a drug addiction, why do they care about my personnel life?  But as time progressed and I listened to speakers, went to classes and meetings, I learned I was not alone, something I felt for a long time.  Although I never physically isolated myself from others, spiritually and mentally I had lost presence many years ago.  I will becoming up on 9 months of sobriety, with the help of my spiritual presence hopefully I will get there one day at a time.  So much in my life has changed, I see things through a different light, I work in long term care now, I have found my true nursing passion in geriatrics, I would have never found this had I not started my recovery journey, but one of the people places and things I had to change was the type of nursing I was working in, I needed a position where I did not handle narcotics, the temptation would be to great, I am the medicare nurse, although  I provide great care, I don’t have to give medications, maybe someday I can take that step as a recovering medical professional, but not now, I know my boundaries.  I have also learned to set boundaries with my family, because of this I have a better marriage, my grown sons are making better decisions all because I learned to “let go and let god”, something my sponsor diligently helped work on.  My recovery journey has taught me so much, I can’t control the world, I can’t control the people closest to me, “Life on life’s terms” has been a big struggle for me, but I wouldn’t change anything, I love the “new me” and have to thank Cumberland Heights, for guiding me through the beginning of a life changing event.

i was at cumberland heights in august and september of 2010 and the experience changed my life. i was pretty strung out and the 1st few days were the hardest. i didn’t know where to go or know a soul. after a week the pieces started falling into place and i have been getting with it ever since. there are wonderful counselors, nursing staff, spiritual experiences, great alumni show up on friday and saturday nights to offer all the help you could want!! LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER!!!! i was able to take advantage of everything thrown at me, although i resisted at first, and it improved the relationship i have with my wife and son. people are actually happy to see me now since i am no longer a pain in the rear. if you need help, and want help, this is the place to be. i made lifetime friends that i talk to and e-mail weekly. i talk and email with the counselor i had.  he helps me with whatever i need. i owe a lot to cumberland heights.

In 2007, I had been trapped in a seemingly inescapable hell for over ten years. I had forgone every moral I ever believed in to continue getting what I needed to stay drunk or high. I could not find anything that made me feel good anymore, much less give me a peace of mind, or any kind of freedom. I was as desperate as I have ever been to change the way I was living. I tried repeatedly to stop drinking and using. To do this I tried doctors, psychologist, religion, everything you can imagine an insane man would try in order to stay alive.

By the grace of God I reached out to Cumberland Heights that year. They safely and painlessly detoxed me sure, but they also had a solution on how to remain sober. And not just sober, but free from self and free from addiction too. Cumberland Heights wasn’t all that was there for me when I reached out though.

The alumni at C.H. ushered me into this way of life. They gave me hope when I had none. They gave me laughter when I could not laugh. They have propped me up through a tough medical diagnosis, when I really couldn’t do anything myself. Which, miraculously and only through their commitment to me, I remained sober through and recovered from. The alumni and the current patients inspire me beyond belief every single time I visit C.H., on River Rd. or my After Care family in Cool Springs.

Today, this high school drop-out, drunk, crack head is living a life I never imagined that, “I”, would be living. I’m a college student today. I can give hope today. I can give laughter today. I can prop others up today. I know who I am today and I like what I see when I look in the mirror today. It’s been over two years “today” since I’ve had a drink or a drug. I’ve probably seen a thousand people come through treatment at Cumberland Heights. I’ve laughed, cried, and walked our walk with as many of them as I possibly can. I’ve been where they are. In our common thread is a strength through which we can recover from our Alcoholism or Addiction, (it’s all the same). A strength in which we, and our families can be restored and lifted to a degree of happiness together that we can only describe as God doing for us what we have never been able to do for ourselves. I encourage all family members, please, attend family week for yourself, get an education on addiction for yourself, and go to family after care, for yourselves.

I never have committed to, “never ever ever“, drink or drug again. I never had to promise that to anybody at Cumberland Heights. Let’s face it, I promised myself, my family, and God this a thousand times. It doesn’t work for me! I only surrendered to a way of life that committed them to me, one day at a time. I allow a sponsor to lead me in step-work. I started applying the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous, Willingness, Honesty, Open-mindedness…

It’s the greatest thing I’ve ever done, for my family, for myself… and I’ve saved a ton of money on my car insurance…

My story is a tale many in this program can relate to.

I have seen my shares of ups and downs throughout my brief time on this Earth. The ups can all be attributed to blessings given by God. The majority of the downs can be attributed to blunders I caused myself with the aid of my good friend, or so I thought, alcohol.

I started drinking at a young age, about thirteen. I didn’t drink too frequently, but drank far too heavily when I did. I drank on most weekends for a few years, but never got too serious with it until I hit about 16. I began drinking so heavily around that time that I frequently ended up in a blackout. I nearly killed myself one morning in a single car accident that did nothing to deter my desire to drink heavily. I maintained my heavy drinking quantities, but increased the frequency as I got older. Arrests, blackouts, problems with relationships and a constant compromising of my morals did not diminish my lust for alcohol.

As I got a little older, I graduated college, began working in the real world, had a wonderful family and tried my best to decrease the frequency in which I drank. I would do good for periods of time, but as soon as I took that first drink no one knew when I would stop, not even me. I frequently placed my desire to stay out all night drinking above how it would affect my family, my productivity in my professional life and, more importantly, how it would compromise my spirtual life with God. My drinking led to the destruction of the happy family I had and this led to what I pray will be the bottom of my drinking career. I didn’t need the practice of drinking daily to maintain my level of drunkenness. I was an allstar! I began drinking more and more frequently, as I had no one to answer to. One night I drank myself into such an oblivion that I decided going into work drunk was a much better idea than calling in. I showed up to work and was sent home, as I was obviously still drunk and falling asleep in a meeting that Monday morning.

I was sent to be tested for drugs and alcohol. I had no drugs in my system, but my B.A.C. came back over two times the legal limit at 9:00 that morning. I feared that alcohol had not only cost me my family, but was about to cost me the job I had worked hard to get also. I was blessed with the option of entering the Cumberland Heights I.O.P. program. I entered the program, learned about the disease, realized I AM an alcoholic, even though I don’t drink everyday. I have since completed the I.O.P. program, regularly attend the aftercare meetings and have not had a drink since. I pray nothing ever causes me to take another drink. I owe the progress I have made to God, first of all, but secondly, to the love and support I have received between the walls of Cumberland Heights. I owe more to Cumberland Heights than I could ever pay back and am eternally grateful!

My first 36 hours at Cumberland Heights consisted of a series of “I overreacted. I shouldn’t be in treatment” and “Thank you God for letting me land here.” It was the other women in the program that took me under their wing and showed me the routine which allowed me to relax and become open to the treatment experience.

28 days went by all too fast! I was invited to come back to campus for Aftercare, Crossover and Transitions. I was told that I could come back and walk the Serenity Trail or use the Labyrinth anytime that the “real world” started to affect my serenity. These were the tools that helped me while I was a patient, so I decided to use those same tools as alumni.

Getting involved with the Cumberland Heights Alumni Association has made all the difference in the quality of my recovery. During my first 90 days I got to come back and share my experience of what was happening on the other side of the gate. On my one year birthday I got to come back and chair the Transitions meeting and share that celebration with people who understood what a big deal it was.

The Alumni, here at Cumberland Heights, are what make this treatment center so unique. We are invited back to the campus to share our hope in recovery with the current patients, as well as form friendships within the fellowship of alumni.

I am grateful to be apart of such a unique opportunity in recovery. It is an honor to be apart of the Alumni of Cumberland Heights. It has been amazing to meet the people who have come before me. However, I am even more excited to meet all the new Alumni that continue to come out of Cumberland Heights each day and get involved with this special fellowship.

When I entered Cumberland Heights in January 2010, my life was falling apart. I had isolated from my friends and family and was drinking all day, everyday. My relationships and my job were deteriorating, and the night before I was admitted, I caused a one man car accident that left me battered and desperate.

I called someone who I knew loved me unconditionally and would refuse to cosign any of my lies, and three hours later she was driving me to Cumberland Heights. It changed my life. What I found after 28 days in treatment, it seemed, was everything I had searched for in 25 years of life. People did love me, my life was worth living, and most importantly, everything was going to be okay.

Immediately after my discharge from Cumberland Heights, I attended meetings everyday, did step work with my sponsor, and participated in Crossover and Transitions every weekend. The opportunity for involvement that the alumni programs have given me is so vital to my recovery, and every day, thanks to Cumberland Heights and its Alumni Association, I get to surround myself with incredible people who love me and teach me every day that which I cannot learn by myself.

I remember riding in my sister’s car down River Road and feeling panic set in. “Perhaps I overreacted, maybe I could stop on my own, everyone gets in trouble now and then…” These were the thoughts racing through my head. I felt sick, I felt alone, and I was scared. Then out of nowhere I saw a white fence and everything changed.

As the car drove under the Cumberland Heights arch, all the fear melted away. It was February- cold, wet, snow still on the ground from the previous day. The campus looked empty but at the same time it felt safe. Something inside my heart told me to get out of the car and let the people here help me.

After my assessment (and a tearful goodbye from my sister and mother) I sat in medical and waited on my “buddy”. A few minutes later a cheerful woman named Diane came to get me and took me to the cabin.  I was nervous and unsure of myself but the women in the cabin were so loving and happy that after a few hours I was laughing, talking, and working on a jigsaw puzzle.

I spent 28 days in the Adult program at Cumberland Heights. It changed my life and I still smile when I think about those wonderful women! 12 step work has kept me clean, but my experience at Cumberland Heights was the catalyst that gave me the willingness to keep trudging one day at a time!

Returning to campus gives me the same feeling  of safety and comfort each time I see that white fence. Things may look a little different now- new buildings, new staff, new patients- but the presence of God I feel as I drive under the arch remains as breathtaking as it was that first day!

Cumberland Heights is my God place, its the place where I can get outside my self and reach out to others. The Alumni Association has given me the opportunity to stay connected to where I started and to help share with others the miracle of recovery. I can not recover alone- I need the strength of my recovery community to help me stay balanced.

In my heart I feel that I can never give back enough to repay the gift that Cumberland Heights has given me. I will try each day to live by the spiritual principles that Cumberland Heights has taught me and I will be forever grateful that I was given a second chance. Cumberland Heights saved me from myself and showed me how to live, just for today.